So, there’s some kind of royal get together happening where the UK spends shit loads of money on paying a really posh guy to marry some semi-posh-ish punani he met at university. It’s like a fairy tale come true, if fairy tales were all about posh shits getting a free wedding from the plebs. Which I suppose they are.
Anyway, much more exciting than some boring upper class shit-fest is this film. Carved from a ball of cheddar with dead trees playing the parts of Will.i.Ain’t and Kate Middle-Class-Ton, it looks like it’s the greatest film since…that TV movie about a mother overcoming her alcoholism to become a crack addict.
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Aww, look at this cute little girl at Disneyland getting to join the Jedi Academy. It must be every child’s dream to join the order of warrior monks who serve as peace keepers throughout the galaxy, the holders of the mysterious energy known as the Force.
Or, fuck that, maybe she wants to destroy those crusty robed douchebags, she knows the real fun is to be had on the Darkside. The devil has the best tunes after all.
The awesome is strong in this one.
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Spock’s always looking in that goddamn scanner, the man’s obsessed with it. But it’s because it’s how he accesses his Facebook profile, so he’s always checking for updates. He may be half Vulcan but his human side surfaces when it comes to finding out what his old class mates are up to.
And guess who turns up in this part, none other than Captain “Make it so!” Picard. Two starship captains? Let the cosmic battle of egos commence.
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We all love Edgar Wright, right? He’s the guy who directed Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead. And when he was younger at art college, while most of us were smoking crack in the woods behind the CDT hut, he was editing together movie montages using his teeth and some sticky tape.
Or something like that. Here’s one of his montages about guns. Back before iMovies editing took between 10-12 years for a second’s footage. Which is why no movies were released before 2005. True story.
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It was a time when eggs were stolen by the greed of pigs who had to be stopped. And there was only one man who could accomplish such a hard and complicated task. One man and his birds. Angry birds.
From the phenomenal iPhone app that helped millions kill time while waiting for their friends to show up for a beer, comes the film of the decade, directed by Michael “LOUDER!!” Bay. Launching into a cinema near you never.
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You must remember that episode of Bottom where they club the gas man to near death for trying to intrude upon their home and undertake such heinous crimes as trying to read their gas meter. HOW. VERY. DARE. HE.
It was one of the best episodes, subtly portraying the urban angst of living with Rick and Vyvyan from The Young Ones when they’re all grown up. But there was always one thing missing, why was there never a song made from splicing the episode together with some techno beats? Well now that feat has been achieved.
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It was a time when a children’s cartoon about magic talking ponies became an epic opera across the infinity of space. My Little Pony has never sounded so badass.
But that’s what happens when you synch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (awww) with the StarCraft 2 cinematic launch trailer. You get the power of awesome.
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Now this looks like an Oscar winning movie, with no doubt some superb performances from some of the finest young actors and actresses from merry olde England.
And if nothing else, the film should win some sort of accolade, maybe a Nobel prize or Pulitzer, for the title. It’s not just naked women and money shots that the porn industry gifts us all with, but also some incredible puns. Lest we forget.
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