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Even in the Galactic Empire’s tool of planetary destruction, the Death Star, they’ve got to eat. Darth may sound like he could inhale soup but he needs his nourishment, what with all the choking and throwing.
And where do they go? Why the Death Star canteen, of course. And it’s just like any other canteen; noisy, busy, with slops being served up by people who haven’t got a clue. Eddie Izzard knows all about it.
What’s going on here? Oh nothing much, just Elmo impersonating Smeagol while the Joker has his hand up Elmo’s butt.
Precisely. It’s what you call talent, OK so it’s a little weird, the sort of thing an LSD-binge sweaty comedown sleep might produce, but talent nonetheless.
What is it? No one knows, it looks like something Mad Max built when he was messed up on crazy juice. Just what exactly is going on, no one can really be sure.
But at least the guy on the bike is wearing a gas mask, safety first and all that. Come the earth-scorching, blood-raining apocalypse these are going to be your go-to guys.
What would you do if you’re in a store and a robbery took place? Probably shit yourself and start blubbering for your life. Fortunately you don’t need to answer that question, instead answer this: Who would you want to be your vigilante saviour?
A nerd, a fat karate chump, or hot chick. Got to be the hot chick, no? Preferably in leather hot pants and not much else.
Next time you walk past a homeless guy and throw a penny at his mangy dog, remember that man could be the undiscovered voice (and face) of radio.
Take this bum for instance (question: why do homeless people always have to wear camouflage gear?), looking at him you’d think he was a talentless swine whose only redeeming feature was he could chew off a rat’s head when he got real hungry.
But no, he’s got a voice cut from the finest silk. No doubt the power of the internet will finance his own station, paid for with digitised hope.
Some things are beyond satire. Neti Pot is one of them. “A special “Neti Pot” is filled with warm, slightly salted water and the spout of the pot is inserted into one nostril. The position of the head and pot are adjusted to allow the water to flow out of the other nostril. The technique is not as hard or uncomfortable as one may think at first.
Every thing has its extreme version. Ironing? There’s extreme ironing where crazy people do it under water and on the edge of a Great White’s teeth. And now, behold! Extreme neti potting. Total WTF!?!
Way to ruin your macho reputation Mr Putin. Usually he walks into a room and grown Hulks start whimpering with fear, and now he’s playing “Blueberry Hill” on the piano. Go. Figure.
What next, is he going to set up an orphanage for abandoned kittens, while nursing baby pandas on his pale white teats? I wonder if he takes requests, cos I’d sure like to see his rendition of Tina Turner’s “Simply the Best”.
So, can you? Have you tried it? Go on, give it a go, it’s difficult, huh? Well not for these guys, they’re the masters of loling without upturning the sides of their mouths.
OK, so they look like a couple of stroke victims having a fit, but so what, that’s the price you sometimes have to pay when you’re this awesome. Now try watching this video and laughing without smiling.
