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There’s a message here. Always read the small print. Especially if you’re dealing with Hollywood stars. They’re used to getting anything they want, whenever they choose – whether that be a dozen white doves, a wellington filed with red M&Ms, or enough cocaine to fell a whale.
Danny De Vito ain’t no different, as this poor producer can attest. There’s a lot I’d do for my work, but male fellatio isn’t one of them. Then again…it IS Danny De Vito. Ah – what the hell.
Some people just have skills. Abilities. Derren Brown can read your mind. Cristiano Ronaldo can beat a whole team of players and stick it in the net. Well…you know that impossible second ‘I’m no Superman’ in the Scrubs theme tune? I know a guy who can come in on it. Nails it in one.
Edarem is up there with the greats. He’s been incarcerated in the past for his odd videos that have wowed the internet community, but he’s still got the skills. Watch and admire.
This must have taken an age to set up. This guy is really committed to testing the small print on products. Maybe he’s the guy that knows that watches are resistant to a certain depth. He’s down there, risking his life testing them all. Dolls with forks? Shark attacks? Man this is some robust memory. Shame the human brain isn’t the same.
This should be the official training routine of the British Armies. Forget firing ranges and obstacle courses, you ain’t fit for war unless you’ve withstanded what the Samsung Memory Card has been through. Simple.
Some people might consider this a useless pursuit. Why would anyone watch Synchronised Walking when you have football or rugby. Well I for one am fascinated. I have respect for someone who can dribble past 2 Chelsea defenders, but it doesn’t come close to the admiration I have for these chaps.
Forget Rooney, it’s these lot that should be on £150,000 a week. Look at the way they march by, not even brushing each other. Absurd, maybe, but no more random and bizarre than 11 men chasing after a bit of leather.
I know they’ve been around for a while, but this may be the oddest group in the world. Terrible rapping, awful tattoos, and even worse lyrics.
“All up in the interweb”? Really? Well, sir, I would but the argument forward that you still ARE a loser and a psycho.
I’m pretty sure ‘I be a lump on you’ has never, ever been a lyric in a song in the history of all time. Unless someone had released an album about cancer. And that’s doubtful. Or maybe the NHS would consider funding it.
‘Asbestos’. Now there’s another word you wouldn’t usually find in songs. Loads of it in your roof cavity – but it’s not going to fall out of Robbie Williams’ or Shakira’s mouth. Unless they were very ill.
Now where do we start with this? There’s a lot wong here. Firstly, the words ’sexual’ and ‘harassment’ should not be uttered in the same sentence when marketing a sex toy. Surely that’s not conducive to sexual fun. And Cornbrator? What’s sensual about a corn on the cob? Maybe smear a bit of butter on there while you’re at ‘it’.
As if all that wasn’t enough, the makers have gone all out at the end. Just in case you were in any doubt as to what you were getting yourself in for. ‘Hyper Wank Device’. Lovely.
They say the Mother’s bond with her baby is sacred. Well, not if you have an ace Dad like this. “Oh, hey Junior, what was your earliest memory?” “Me, my brother and my Dad dancing like twats”. Look at them – their brains are synced effortlessly.
I bet Michael Jackson couldnt dance before he could walk. Well, these fellas can. Ring up Simon Cowell, get on the blower to Britain’s Got Talent and sign them up. It’s the new version of John and Edward. The talented version.
