A lot of celebrities on Twitter just tweet absolute crap that you really don’t want to read, but not Danny Dyer. Mr Dyer manages to distill his no-nonsense cock-a-ney personality—which generally amounts to comedic gold—into every tweet he makes.

From arrogant ducks being pricks to getting pissed “with the old man”, try reading these social media gems without hearing his voice in your head. You faaaking mug.

Always thinking of his followers, Dyer shares how to get out of your tree for only the ticket price of following him.

And like any dealer, he teases us with more freebies of the good shit.

Caring individual that he is, Danny doesn’t mind doing his bit for animal cruelty.

If you’re a duck, don’t stand Danny boy up and expect to not get dissed on Twitter about it.

Thankfully they did show, but they brought their arrogance with them too. Big mistake.

Not even ‘ardman Danny Dyer can defeat those grammar Nazis.

Alright he might throw about a lot of blue language, but fuck me he can be sophisticated too.

Bollocks to those self-help books, Danny Dyer’s all you need.

He can do philosophy too.

Chameleon that he is, another string to his bow is weather reporting.

When it comes to end-of-year wisdom, Danny’s your man.

He also enjoys nothing more than sinking a few bevvies with the old man. Proper.

But if you’re a Furby, you better watch yourself.

And as for the early bird, well, he can fuck right off.

Politicians don’t fare too well either.

But he’s got a soft spot for kids’ animations, especially ones featuring little rats.

Always ready to absorb new knowledge he learnt a new fucking word on Countdown didn’t he, you muppet.

Polymath that he is, he turns his hand to music reviews.

And again.

When it comes to commemorating world events, this geezer’s on point.

And yeah, just because he always sounds like he’s fucked on coke doesn’t mean he is, right?

And as for that Jeremy Kyle…

No one does self promotion quite The Dyer.

He’s a bit of a gourmet too.

Sexual fantasies? Not on Danny’s watch.

Maybe some carefully placed baubles could help him with this one?

Danny, you’re a fucking social media fucking star.