I suppose in any other realm, a heavily armed muscular man with facepaint on, firing said weaponry would be fucking terrfying. Not here. Where do we start? He rolls like my Auntie, he dresses like a child with an unhealthy Action Man passion, and, I’m sorry, but where did that snake come from?

The only thing we do know is that he’s Born For Action. Born for Action. This would be all well and good, but the poor lad doesn’t seem to have any company. He’s probably the owner of the best defended disused quarry in the world. In his head, he thinks having made this video there’ll be a queue of hopeful women and army conscriptors waiting outside his house/barracks/shed. Somehow, I doubt it. But don’t tell him that.