G’day mate! There’s nothing like getting the news that your tinny drinking, kangaroo shagging cousin from daaaan under is coming over for a little visit. It’s enough to make a grown man cry.

And cry Tom Cruise does. It’s devastating news for someone of Tom’s stature, what will his highfalutin Hollywood chums say when his bedraggled pom-hating Australian brethren turn up? He’ll afta throw another shrimp on the barbie, mate.