OK, who’s eaten all the kitty cat treats? Time for some third degree to find out the guilty party. Interrogating dogs must be a new low for this guy. That is until one of them pulls a face that makes it look like an extra from an Aphex Twin video.
It looks disturbing to say the least. If it pulled that face near me I’d happily let it eat all the treats it ever want until it passed out from greed.
When it came to God dishing out impressions of rabid dogs that could frighten the terminator, this guy was first on the list. Not content with just explaining the story he practically turns into the dogs in question in some kind of method acting metamorphosis.
And just look at his long-suffering wife. Pushed aside as he gets caught up in his intense performance. In makes you wonder, maybe this man is actually a dog impersonating a human. Reerarararererarae!
If a ginger tom can play a keyboard then, by that rationale, a shaggy dog can play the piano. And howl. Or should that be: And how!
Either way, this dog should be on a stage in a sh*thole in Tijuana, surrounded by fat women in bikinis who can make guacamole using their butt cheeks.
This poor dog knows there’s something wrong. His canine sensors are going haywire, he knows he’s about to be embarassed, but, he doesn’t quite know why. Something isn’t quite right. Everyone’s looking at him and his legs feel weird.
Ah well, he thinks, I’ll just set off anyway. That woman behind the camera seems to think it’d be a good idea, and I can’t stand here forever. Here goes… Oh no, this isn’t right at all. Not at all. What the fuck’s happening to my legs? Jesus. I need a lie down. Stop laughing. No, seriously.
I feel so sorry for this man. He’s such a nice chap, and he’s probably a good vet. He means well, so well, and yet he always get it wrong. There’s a famous scene where he kills a man’s prize fish. And another where he puts down the wrong Border Collie.
Then again, I think this woman deserves it. Feeding her little pooch all that rich food…just ain’t right. And that house – she’s one of those absurd posh women who have no grip on reality. Well, get a grip on singed canine hair and the smell of smouldering dog flesh. Breath it in. And never ring that Vet again.
This dog seems to think he needs to get his legs moving, despite it being decidedly aloft from the escalator’s metal surface. This is why dogs aren’t humans. A man can make a simple decision about an escalator. How it works, how to use it.
Then again, in its simplicity, a dog can enjoy many advantages. Like having the easiest life imaginable. I mean, who gets CARRIED on an escalator. Not you, not me. This dog may appear stupid, but it knows what it has to do to secure an easy life. Any more intrinsic intelligence, and life gets harder.
